Crossing the Emotional Walls of Marginalized Young Women

Walking alongside marginalized young women is never just a simple slogan. When a traumatized young woman arrives at our Service Hub, this journey officially begins. According to our statistics, it takes an average of 12 counseling sessions for them to initially step out of a crisis. Why is this counseling journey so difficult?

First, they have built high emotional walls within themselves. Based on our service figures, over 90% of marginalized young women have experienced complex trauma, such as domestic violence and intimate partner violence, or are dropping out of school and facing a financial crisis. Having been repeatedly betrayed by adults throughout their upbringing, they have grown accustomed to using coldness, rudeness, or even hostility as armor—a way to repeatedly test our counsellor: “Will you give up on me easily?”

Second, they are constantly struggling for basic survival needs. Unlike ordinary teenage girls who are exploring self-identity and career planning, they must directly face far more urgent crises, such as a lack of living expenses, unplanned pregnancies, and legal trouble. Lacking support from family and school, they often treat abusive partners or deviant peers as their lifesavers. Although these relationships are dangerous, they are their only emotional pillars. Guiding them out of a dangerous environment is equivalent to asking them to abandon their only refuge, which poses a huge challenge to the counselling relationship.

Unlocking a locked heart offers no shortcuts; it requires nothing less than sincere communication. Therefore, our counsellor utilizes 2 main techniques to break the ice:

1) Creating a Non-Judgmental Safe Space

We let them know that even if they confess to high-risk behaviours, they will still be accepted and respected. We accept their emotions while caring about their personal safety; however, this does not mean we endorse those high-risk behaviours. In many instances, our counsellor replaces judgement with curiosity when responding to them. For instance, our counsellor might share: “It sounds like you were deeply hurt and felt that was your only way to protect yourself. If something like this happens again, shall we explore other ways to keep you safe?” We want them to know: “You do not have to be perfect to be worthy of respect and care. There is always a way forward.” Only when they feel truly safe here can trust and genuine connection begin to grow.

2) Using Stories and Metaphors

Pressing them to confront trauma before they are ready will only push them to pull up their emotional walls. Therefore, our counsellor does not ask directly: “Why did you self-harm at that time?” or “Why do you not leave that boyfriend who hits you?” Instead, we gently open the conversation using stories, picture books, or film characters, asking simple questions like: “What do you think this character was most afraid of at that moment?” or “If five-year-old you were standing right here today, what would you want to whisper to her?” Keeping a safe psychological distance allows their true emotions and inner struggles to finally be projected out.

Behind every emotional wall hides a heart that longs to be loved. Even though trust is not built overnight, we will remain steadfast in walking alongside them.